In Search Of A Story
by psycochick32
Summary: Various unrelated mostly drabbles exploring the Castle-verse and our favorite characters. Will contain spoilers for the most recent episode/season!
1. On Nicknames

On Nicknames

He calls her his "muse" and it's funny-

Because she _muses_ about beating him with a hardcover book.

He calls her "Beckett" and she's placated-

Because it's rare respect from he who always has a comment that makes her want to bury her face in her hands.

He calls her "Kate" and it's disturbing-

Because at first, it's too familiar… and later, it fills her with inexplicable warmth.

He calls her his "muse" and it's infuriating-

Because Nikki Heat – ("Well, she is a little bit slutty!") – will never be her, and she sometimes doesn't know if that's a good thing.

-x-x-

Disclaimer: I own no bit of Castle (unless you could the DVDs and book?) – the show and characters belong to ABC.


	2. Marry Me

Marry Me 

"We should get married."

While this wasn't the most random thing Castle could have said (by far!), Beckett found herself counting to ten before daring to ask, "Why?"

"I love weddings. Dancing, food, presents… floating candles."

"My cousin had those when she got married." Ryan threw in his two cents. "She bent over to blow one out, and _woosh_," he gestured upward, "too much hairspray! Up in flames."

Castle turned to Beckett. "Well, you don't wear lots of hairspray. It won't happen, so let's get married."

The phone rang; Beckett turned to answer it, still eying him curiously.

Castle sighed.

-xx-

Disclaimer: I own no bit of Castle (unless you could the DVDs and book?) – the show and characters belong to ABC.


	3. Kaleidoscope

Kaleidoscope

Beckett tilts her head, watches him as he glares at the board.

He's absolutely determined to find this little boy and bring him to his parents. They all are, of course; it's what they do. But there's something about his determination…

"_He's only a little younger than Alexis,"_ he'd told her, before sharing his nightmares of losing her…

She can hardly imagine him Christmas shopping – he seems more like the "order online" type – and wonders what other depths he has.

He surprises her constantly, and she's not sure if she appreciates that. He's a kaleidoscope of characteristics, a collection of characters blurred all into one. A mystery.

She loves mysteries… and she wants to solve the one called "Richard Castle."

The playboy, rich author… unrepentant as he pulls strings to get his way.

The deep-thinking, well-researched man capable of picking up on the most obscure clues… proud of his vast knowledge of completely random minutiae.

The silly, child-like man who revels in the strange… who seems unashamed that he never truly grew up.

The father, the son… the man unashamedly devoted to his small, eclectic family.

Castle can list famous vampires, but has no qualms with admitting his lack of knowledge when it comes to the mind of a teenaged girl.

Castle can draw women in like moths to a flame… but spends time with her, _his muse_, as though there's nowhere else he'd rather be.

"We'll find him," she assures him as he begins to pace, clearly wracking his brain for some overlooked detail. She forces a reassuring smile and he takes heart.

He's a mystery – one dying to be unraveled.

Beckett tilts her head, watches him glare at the board. She wonders what other characters make up Richard Castle… and if she has the guts to find out.

-xx-

Disclaimer: I own nothing of Castle (unless you could the DVDs and books) – the show and characters belong to ABC.


	4. The House That Roy Built

**The House That Roy Built**

* * *

Captain Roy Montgomery isn't dead.

Rick Castle stops his train of thought and mentally edits himself. Even in the privacy of his thoughts, he always wishes to be understood. Montgomery is dead, but _he_ is not. A man is the sum of his parts, and the parts – outside of the physical – remain.

In the bottom drawer of Castle's desk, underneath his notes and scribbles and half-baked ideas that never quite came to fruition, lay a massive stack of files. He doesn't want to know how many laws he is currently breaking by having them.

He doesn't want to know how heartbroken Kate would be if she found them, knew he was hiding them from her, knew Montgomery sent them to him for safe-keeping.

Captain Roy Montgomery isn't dead. Castle will keep him alive in his books, in the movie spin-offs. The cheesy platitudes – "he will live on in our memories" – for once make sense, because the Captain always seemed larger than life.

Everybody mourns, but people who knew him keeps a part of him. His advice, his sense of humor, the sense of justice they all knew, rather than his past deeds.

If a man is the sum of his parts, there's a lot remaining of the Captain. His Precinct, which continues to run in his absence, though a cloud hangs overhead. His family, who will make him proud; Rick Castle is already preparing a fundraiser for them. His protégé – his saving grace, his reason to grow as a man; Kate Beckett is who Roy Montgomery wished to live up to… when by all appearances, it had always been the other way around.

Captain Roy Montgomery is Rick Castle's personal devil; he's left with the work the Captain started, literally and figuratively… and he has no idea where to start.

* * *

Captain Roy Montgomery is a traitor.

Javier Esposito has a rigid interpretation of right and wrong. When Lanie points it out, he shoots back that it comes with the job, and that whole Special Forces stint helped. She glares, and he knows he's growing a violent streak, and he blames that on the Captain, too.

He's never hit his partner before, but when Ryan said- He'd been so furious. At Ryan for saying it aloud, at himself for not seeing it, at Beckett for continuing this case that has become far too close for all of them.

At Castle – who, from what he can tell, was the person the Captain eventually confided in. Castle! A writer, not a cop, not a man with a badge but a vest with "writer" etched on it like he's playing a game. Except this game has life and death consequences, and only in the past year does Rick Castle seem to realize this.

Captain Roy Montgomery is a traitor.

Esposito doesn't like to admit he cries. He's a man's man, all the way, and crying is for the boys he pulls in off the streets after they've gotten in too far over their heads. He's seen enough hand done enough that pain – physical and emotional – is actually not all that effective a tool.

He nearly broke when he was forced to watch his partner be tortured. And he breaks every night over losing the man who did this, who brought them together and then tore them apart with his silent lies as they spent nights pouring over documents and reports and pictures so old they wouldn't know a photoshop if it bit them in the ass.

Captain Roy Montgomery is a traitor, but Esposito mourns who he could have been… and used to be.

* * *

Captain Roy Montgomery is her own personal Jesus Christ. He died for his own sins, of course – but in the end, he died for her. Because of her. Because he loved her.

And Kate Beckett can't quite get over that.

In the days before the funeral, she feels his Holy Ghost following her around. And she does mean _holey_ because she was there that night, and she had his blood on her hands – _it won't wash off _– and one of the first things he taught her at the Precinct was a morbid sense of humor.

'_You can't let this job own you. You have to show it who's boss – sometimes, it takes more guts to laugh than to face an armed man.'_

Kate wonders if that's why he kept Castle with her, to the very end. Was he meant as a distraction? Had he anticipated the writer's devotion to her and her past?

Captain Roy Montgomery is her own personal Jesus Christ. He gave her words to live by. He guided her, loved her, and gave his life to protect her.

And Kate Beckett curses his name almost as much as she curses God. She lays in bed, knowing she has every reason to hate him.

How often did she chase her own tail investigating her mother's murder, never knowing the answers were behind that desk? How often did he encourage her, even when she was off the case, to find answers, all the while hiding his past? How often-

Kate cries, and begs his forgiveness in the dark of the night. She hates him as much as she loves him, and it hurts more than any bullet wound.

In the end, he was only a man.

But Captain Roy Montgomery is a hero… and nobody can tell her otherwise.

**Disclaimer:**

_Castle_ and everybody and everything related to it is owned by ABC and a bunch of other companies that I do not own nor work for. I am simply a fan!


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